Friday, April 01, 2005

Taking Up Where We Left Off..

Well, gentle readers, since I’m getting pretty regular at this blogging thing (you can thank all that extra fiber), I didn’t want the week to pass without one last little shout out as I will not be updating over the weekend due to the high, high terror I feel at even the off-chance Captain Nutty would discover this little project. Though who am I am kidding….the woman can’t “check THE email” or “use THE ebay” without a 2 hour explanation from me first.

Soooooo, let’s see….what thoughts have floated through my cerebral jelly today…

How ‘bout some more things you didn’t know and were scared to ask your doctor about me:

32. I don’t smoke but I habitually have a voice reflecting a 6 pack-a-day habit.

33. I hang out at a fine little spot called the Paradise where I have known most of the folks there since I was little kid. (Shout out to you, Paradisio!)

34. I can touch my tongue to the tip of my nose, however, it’s not as attractive as one might think.

35. Remember how I don’t like the shy guys? See that rambunctious guy in the corner of the bar cracking his buddies up by making fart noises with his armpit? I like him.

36. Speaking of farting, anytime I’m in an elevator with people I don’t know I think about ripping a loud one just to see what would happen.

37. I often carry on arguments in my head with people I don’t like. Not so unusual. However, my face expressions frequently reflect these conversations so I often walk down the street looking like I have some sort of palsy issue. Slightly more unusual.

38. I can’t drink gin. At all. Not even a little bit. Trust me. It’s not pretty.

39. Once I said to Captain Nutty, “If I could change one thing about my looks, do you know what it would be?”…..she answered, “Your teeth?”……ummmmm, nooooooo…..what the fuck is wrong with my teeth????

40. Fat Baby’s Aunt said her friend in Spain is checking in on Floyd’s Tailgate, so we are sooooo international. (Shout out to you, Meredith!)

41. If I was ever in one of those Disney movies where you rescue a wounded animal and nurse it back to health before setting it free, I would NEVER EVER return it to the wild. I would make it live in a little cramped cage denying the call of the wild just so I wouldn’t have to go through the heartache of saying good bye to it. Wild animals are meant to be wild, my ass.

42. I don’t believe in global warming, I don’t recycle and I often drive with the windows down and the air conditioner on. I know – I’m killing the environment for your children but I don’t have any kids so suck it.

43. I think television is my best friend. The rest of you just aren’t “there” for me like he is.

44. I have difficulty pronouncing the word “secretary” so it sometimes comes out “sekatery” (and don’t even get me started on “libary”).

45. I plan on A.S.S. becoming an international holiday.

Have a great weekend.


The Candyman said...

Something tells me there is another celebration of A.S.S. about 4 weeks away...and speaking of Talladega, will you be joining Elvis again?

Kitty said...

One time I had gin and I threw up cesar salad in my bed and on the floor and don't remember any of it...needless to say, its the last time I had gin.

Angry Pregnant Lawyer said...

Speaking of farting, anytime I’m in an elevator with people I don’t know I think about ripping a loud one just to see what would happen.
And now, that's what I'm going to think about, too. Thanks.