Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Like Sands Through The Hourglass

It's not that I mean to go so long without blogging, I simply lose track of time. I never seem to realize how long it's been. And then again, most of the time I feel like writing something, I'm sitting in a bar. Perhaps bringing the old laptop drinking with me is not such a bad idea. Of course, it might be the final straw to take me over into dorkdom but let's be frank - dorkdom claimed me as its leader eons ago.

So let's see....per usual, I have no overall cohesive thoughts but I certainly have a bullitted points rolling around my beer addled brain.


1. The POD will be graduating from her "therapeutic wilderness camp" on August 9th. This is grand. What is not so grand is that I have to attend a 3 day "parenting seminar" with....MY PARENTS. Cause really - nothing equals family fun more than staying in a freakin bed & breakfast with two people whose sole purpose is to convince psychologists and therapists that they are great, caring, oh-so-disciplined parental machines. What Captain Nutty and the Consort don't realize is that I have had top double secret phone calls with all said professionals and they are also convinced that my 'rents are whacked out above all normal comprehension. I'm evil that way. Lesson? Don't screw with me or I'll convince the world that you're nuts.

2. The POD will be returning home so that my liver can finally dry out a bit and I can go back to communing with Rory and Lorelie on the Gilmore Girls. My dog will also be thankful that Mommy will have another reason to come home other than simply needing a soft place to pass out.

3. As previously mentioned, these lovely nature people have taught the POD how to start a fire without matches and the like. I assume she starts such flames by rubbing sticks against her exceedingly calloused hands. Therefore, I have taken the liberty of informing Georgia Power that we will no longer be needing their services. The POD will soon learn to love cooking in our fireplace and will certainly appreciate the savings this entails.

4. The POD has been hiking every day with a 40 pound pack on her back and has not slept in a bed since Memorial Day weekend. So really when you think about, her tackling the dishwasher shouldn't be that big of a deal. Course, she doesn't know that I haven't done the dishes since Memorial Day weekend but has to be an improvement over crapping in the woods and wiping up with leaves.

5. Upon the POD's graduation, Captain Nutty and the Consort will be returning to our happy little home to engage in some Nazi death camp type torture otherwise known as "family fun". This includes a return trip to Six Flags. Luckily, Captain Nutty informed me, "Not to worry as we will pay for all these excursions while we're down there!". Really? You're going to pay for it? Ummm.....yeah.... no shit. Cause if you ain't paying, then you can plan on spending your family fun time debating who should be winning Project Runway this season. Dumbass.

6. In a week or two, the POD will begin her junior year of high school. I celebrated my junior year of high school by creating a lifelong aversion to Chivas Regal Scotch and silver ballet flats. My wardrobe revolved around some kicking leggings paired with big shirts cinched by an even bigger sparkly belt. One hopes that the POD's taste in fashion has evolved slightly in the great woods. Cause as soon as she finds out I shrunk both her Marilyn Manson and her Stewie Griffin tshirts, my ass is grass.

Hmmm....looks like the impending return of POD has provided some cohesiveness to an otherwise uncohesive Floyd. Intriguing.