Saturday, April 22, 2006

And I'll Tell You Another Thing...

I'm dddddrrrrruuuuuuunnnk. I'm drunk blogging. And it took me 12 hours to type the title without misspellings. Bite me.

My point is this - what is the most disgusting food to throw up?

If you don't say hot dogs, then you're a fucking tard.

Just thought I'd share.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006


I know - you're neglected. But see I got this email that suggested...nay....demanded that I get ready for bikini season and as I'm sure you can understand, this took me completely by surprise. I simply had no idea. So of course, getting ready for said season is exceptionally time consuming. I know you forgive me.

I attended law school reunion. I went to Graceland. I sold my house(twice). I survived a ten day visit from Captain Nutty.

So lots to tell but you know that bikini is a monkey on my back.

In other words, I'll write more tomorrow.

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

A Marketer's Wet Dream

So now that I'm all "laptop friendly, I'm reconnecting with my first love. Television. This of course has led me to one of my usual dilemmas.

For instance, I'm apparently gonna have to go buy some new lotion (and for those of you who read "lotion" and immediately thought "masturbation" - shame on you). There's a new commercial for a new Lubriderm. Lubriderm with Sea Kelp! It gives you marvelous skin according to the model who last ate a cracker last Thursday.

Well, dammit! I already have twelve other versions of Lubriderm! Can't they pick a fucking additive and stick with it. I've got the "original Formula" and it does a bang up a job. I then saw the ad for the one with oatmeal and thought "Well, I don't eat the shit, so I might as well slather on the body. That totally counts for healthy, right?".

And holy mother of God! How the hell am I supposed to know whether I have sensitive skin or not?

Do I need Advance Therapy? What the hell is Advance Therapy? Was the previous like "Dark Ages Therapy"? What is the age limit for Advance Therapy? Was it fucking 30 thirty cause I'm late!

And NO, I don't want skin cancer but I also don't want to walk around smelling like I can't find the beach. I don't like SPF! Does it stand for "hey, Stupid Pay For this?" Cause that's what I'm thinking!

I guess I gotta go with the Sea Kelp except well it probably smells like a Mermaid's sally. Yuck,

Good god, I've got to get a hobby.