Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Why You Want to Be Me, You Really, Really Do - Part 2

1. What’s worse then stepping out the door on your way to an important business lunch and discovering that your “I’m a successful business attorney with lots o'money” shoes cause immense pain to your feet?

Discovering that once your feet get the teeny, tiniest bit sweaty, said same shoes make little farting noises with every step you take.

Yeeeaaahhhh, I‘m a keeper. A real gem. A prize to the legal community.

2. Get home from important business lunch and get lovely message from Capt Nutty. In preparation for the POD’s return to the great white north, Capt Nutty has scheduled a three way phone call this evening with me, Capt Nutty and the Consort and with the POD’s psychologist. Yippee. I really, really can’t think of a more fun and relaxing way to spend my Tuesday night. FOR FUCK’S SAKE, DO THESE PEOPLE NOT KNOW THAT THE FINALS OF AMERICAN IDOL ARE ON TONIGHT?

3. So last night the POD and I have a lovely little discussion – quite nice chat actually. I proceed to tell POD how I will miss her over the summer. The following is the verbatim conversation:

Me: “I’m really going to miss you over the summer. I’m going to be so lonely.”

POD: “Yeah, right.”

Me: “No, I mean it, I’ll miss you.”

POD: (in mocking tone) “Yeah, right – once I’m gone you can have all those guys over and fuck them at home.”

Me: (with properly indigant tone and facial shock) “POD! That is so not true! I have respect for my body!”

She looked at me. I looked at her........and we both knew I was lying.

I couldn't make this shit up if I tried, people. Couldn't...make...it...up.


Molly said...

Oh my God -- I also own a pair of farting shoes. I'm constantly saying, "It's my shoes! I swear!"

Julie said...

That is just too funny!

Dancewriter said...

Love your writing style! I'll be adding your blog to my list of regular reads. :)

Dancewriter said...

I just came from the ladies room (we agree on many of your bathroom etiquette statements, by the way) and the woman who was finishing up at the same time I was had on a pair of farting shoes. Never mind that she was wearing a shirt that looked little more than a teddy with her un-buttoned suit jacket and shook her wet hands in my direction as she went for paper towels. ARGH.

Hope you don't mind that I've put a link to your blog on my page. :)

Good luck with the new business - I think you're gutsy, funny, and interesting.

VI said...


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