Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Where Were We?

After checking back, I realized that we left off on number 45 of the Top 100 Things You Don't Really Care to Know About Me list. So withouth further ado...

46. You know those cans of Pillsbury crescent rolls that when you open them they decompress with some freaky new age technology and pop open? Yeah, they scare me - the popping scares me. I make POD open them.

47. While I do want a baby some day, not so sure about the husband part. (Am excepting applications for love slave, however)

48. I went to catholic school most of my life. Not only am I not catholic, my great-grandfather had a deep fear of all catholics. What can I say - he was old and baptist - not always a good combination.

49. Current pet peeve - Carnival cruise lines is using Iggy Pop's Lust for Life song in all of their television commercials. I dig that song however I don't think the folks at Carnival have really listened to the lyrics. Let's review some, shall we? "Well, he comes Johnny Yen again, with liquor and drugs, and a flesh machine, I know he's gonna do another strip tease" and of course my favorite line "that's like hypnotizing chickens". Oh yeah - Iggy Pop equals family fun time on Carnival. Someone should be fired - idiots.

50. The nickname "Vladimir Poopshoot" was born out of a New Year's Day pajama-wearing, marathon session of Trivial Pursuit. I share said nickname with Kitty, Fat Baby's Mamma and Fat Baby's Daddy. It was the attempted answer to the question "Who was the first U.S. chess champion?" and frankly, Bobby Fisher was too boring of an answer.

51. Brittney Spears annoys the ever-living crap out of me yet I find Christina Aguillera refreshingly skanky.

52. I don't eat vegetables. I find them to be God's idea of laugh - the "eat this filling farting stuff and stay away from my animals" laugh - but I'm on to Him.

53. When I was a kid, I did a wicked impression of Jimmy Carter....but it just isn't timely anymore. Sigh.

54. I find most people who think they are funny are truly NOT funny and should just sit there quitely - and try not to smell too bad - unfunny people have a certain scent about them.

55. For shits and giggles, I "googled" my name - apparently, besides being my neurotic self, I am also a black, male child molester in Conneticut....and I weigh a lot less in Conneticut.

56. I will totally judge a man by his shoes - in the unacceptable shoe columns are Capezzio jazz shoes, black tennis shoes worn with white socks and any shoe that makes me think "Ahhh! Miami Vice - now THAT was a show!".

57. If he ever decided to stay awake for more than 5 minutes, my cat could probably kick your dog's ass.

58. A large percentage of family friends and acquaintances believe the POD is actually my illegitimate child birthed when I was 20. For the record, she is not my illegitimate love child even though she has my oily hair and basic body shape (god help her)......I'm sure her living with me doesn't really help those rumors.

59. Since Buffy and Angel went off the air, I find myself watching more and more American Idol....someone please stop the madness.

60. I am vertically challenged and horizontally cursed (for the metaphorically impaired, short and wide).

Well, that's all I have for now. Been trying to post this for two days but Blogger kept telling me they "couldn't find my blog"....HEY BLOGGER! IT'S RIGHT HERE, YOU JACKASSES! Blogger sucks donkey balls.

Much love,
Vladimir Poopshoot


Michelle said...

Oh my gosh. I thought I was the only one in the world who was afraid of the popping noise. I am terrified of the popping noise.

The Macek Collective said...

You ever need me to donate the genetic material and not the responsibility, gimme a holler.

Anonymous said...

Yup, afraid of the Pilsbury cans...check

Can't stand Britney, love Christina...check

Before I found my husband, wanted a baby but not the sticky relationship attachment...check

We're twins!

The Crooked Cervix

Pixie LaRouge said...

Oh dear. We finally disagree. I LOVE popping-type cans. Of course, I always wanted to be a special effects pyrotechnician; I like blowing things up...

However, since Buff and Angel are over, I, too find myself watching things I wish I didn't. Have you seen Veronica Mars? If not, do. Buffy fans easily love it. Bitchin' show!

bethany said...

Let's not forget mandals! Just because JC wore sandals doesnt mean any other man should!