Have you ever...
...seriously, seriously considered eating at the "Happy Happy China 100 Super Super Buffet" restaurant?
....wondered if your ovaries were fed up with the lack of activity and were currently hatching a plan in which they tunnel their way out through your belly button?
...really, really regretted buying the cheap toilet paper at a really, really bad moment?
...enjoyed cleaning out your dog's infected ear with q-tips?
...had to call your best friend in another state with a really, really moronic filing question cause you never do any real litigation work even though you tell your clients that you're "in court" ALL the time?
...been looking a client right in the eyes and spewing forth all kinds of sympathy while in your head, the little voices are saying, "man, this guy is sooooo screwed"?
...recommend a client seek professional help and then realize while the words are coming out of your mouth, "oh yeah, I AM the professional help"?
...wondered exactly how fat you have to be before you become unable to wipe your own ass?
...wondered how close you were to having to recruit some ass-wiping help?
...felt like you needed a beer even though it was only 9 am?
Ummmm...yeah....me neither.
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4 comments:
Have you ever received a pap smear from an incredibly hot doctor and had nasty thoughts about him the entire time?
Me neither.
Jodi
I can most certainly relate to the 9:00 a.m. beer ...........
but not admiting to any partaking at that hour, however.
There, there, Floyd. It'll all be okay. And, if not, you can have a beer at 9 am, tell everyone you're in court, turn off the ringer on the phone and have a merry "drunk day."
I had a great "have you ever" to add, but it ran out my ear while I was trying to get the Kitchen Cat to move so DC could roller skate through the livingroom in only her undies...
If your ovaries really do crawl out of your belly, just put them in the freezer. Just make sure you put them in a ziploc freezer bag, not the regular kind. Trust me. They'll keep for years like this.
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