*Who are we kidding - I just love any excuse to work the word "penis" into a title
Word through the grapevine is that Big Fat Twin Mamma (hereinafter Mamma) gave birth to happy, healthy baby boys last night. The new boys came in at a whopping 4 lbs., 12 oz. and 4 lbs., 9 oz. - I say whopping cause poor old Mamma has been on bed rest trying to keep those rambunctious rascals in utero until such time as they were big enough to whoop some ass upon arrival.
I also have it on good authority that said babies are being named Floyd, Jr. and Floyd, II - of course to be called "Junior" and "Deuce". I'm greatly looking forward to the days when the boys are older and start sporting their matching mullets which if they inherit their mother's beautiful curly hair might seem a little "Welcom Back, Kotter" but the twins will be style setters - I have no doubt about that. I'm sure they'll spend their teenage years driving around town in their tricked out truck mooning the local girls. Mamma will certainly have her hands full but they will know early on not to cross Mamma - Mamma is NOT to be trifled with - especially not after she's had a couple of martinis and with twin boys, me thinks Mamma's drinking is about to increase dramatically.
And they will of course be spending quality time with their Auntie Kitty who really has a magical way with children. Per the course for Kitty, she will wait until after their first tee-ball practice and say, "Hey Junior! Hey, Deuce! Mamma said you're playing tee-ball. Do you swing the bat like a girl?" At which point Mamma will have to remove the twins from Auntie Kitty's presence and immediately enroll them in gender identification therapy.
Of course, Auntie Floyd will only be allowed limited access considering her propensity to randomly use the word "penis" at highly inopportune moments. But Auntie Floyd understands. Just knowing her namesakes are healthy, thriving little buggers is enough for her.
Congratulations to the entire Big Fat Twin Mamma clan! And welcome to the world Junior and Deuce!