So I was reading some other folk's blogs and have come to a horrible realization - I'm just not that funny. I agree that I have moments of brevity but in general not that consistently knee-slapping funny (but if you think about it, have you ever seen some really slap their knee when amused? It just doesn't happen.) There are some seriously funny folks out there and apparently the only people I amuse are my moronic friends who apparently are easily impressed - who knew?. Perhaps they need to get out more. Oh well - luckily I haven't told many about this little project so the point is moot.
Good news of the day - Cowboy Dan, Kitty and I have pit passes to the Daytona 500. What this means to you out there who are Nascar newbies is that we now have an official pass to mingle with drivers and harass the shit out of them. This folds in well with my plans to be Mrs. Dale Earnhardt Jr. But who are we kidding - I would settle for Mrs. Elliott Sadler, Mrs. Kasey Kahne....oh hell, I would settle for being Mrs. Fatback McSwain to get a chance to live in the inner circle. I realize a few of you may not know Fatback McSwain but trust me - he ain't named Fatback for nothing.
In my unending attempts to insert myself into the Nascar glitterati, I emailed the guys over at Track Smack on www.nascar.com to once again offer my services as a commentator. As of yet, I have not heard back from them but one can hope. Just so you're in the loop, the following is what I sent:
Dear Track Smackers,
Apparently my last request to join your esteemed company was met with little enthusiasm. Therefore, I am on to Plan B. I think you need a roving infield correspondent and, coincidentally enough, I tend to spend a good deal of time in various infields. I think we all can agree that a glimpse into infield entertainment would provide a much needed perspective of NASCAR life to the average stay-at-home fan.
So, without further ado, below please find the top ten reasons you should recruit me to be your infield correspondent:
1. MartDawg has become way too famous to kick it with the common man.
2. Trust me – together with my two pals we are three blond chicks by ourselves in the infield….you think we don’t get to know EVERYBODY in the infield!?!
3. Nothing like a full description of the infield showers to give that reader the old “in the middle of the action” feeling.
4. The amount of beer we bring into the infield would seriously diminish the reimbursable meals on my expense report for Turner Sports.
5. Have R.V., will travel….okay, really my friend has the R.V. but you get the point.
6. I already have plans for both Daytonas, both Talladegas and both Atlantas – you guys only have to pick up expenses for the other 30 races.
7. The fun I get in harassing folks on Marty’s Mailbag message board is waning – I need to be able to harass them in person.
8. Can supply own video camera and enough film to keep editors at nascar.com working for years (just good clean family fun video - keep the mind out of the gutters, guys).
9. Providing me a safe outlet for creative expression may…just MAY…keep me from harassing y’all on a weekly basis.
10. Nascar.com is sorely missing an interview with that toothless, jean short wearing guy who uses his sock for a beer coozie and keeps blasting Freebird from the stereo in his converted bus with the big 3 on the side.
To further prove my infield fun factor and to show that I’m not nuts, here’s me and Elvis in the Talladega infield…Elvis sends his love. [please note - I'm too stupid to figure out how to post pictures here yet]
I’ll be waiting on your call.
I'll let you know when I hear back from them.