Wednesday, February 02, 2005

Cast of Characters

So it occurred to me last night that an unassuming reader will need a brief rundown of the characters in my life. You'll notice they often have strange names and you may want to believe that I have changed their names to hide their real life guilt and shame - but actually I pretty much call these people by these names to their faces as well. Wellll, some of them I might not - the crazy ones for instance - never call a crazy person crazy - they might stab you with a pair of rounded scissors. I learned this from Cowboy Dan who called her mother a "fucking whackjob" to her face and we'll just say the results weren't pretty - but have no fear, Cowboy Dan's scars are clearing up real nice. But I digress...

Floyd's Cast of Characters:

1. Floyd - okay, so only a dumbass would identify themselves on their own cast of characters but I thought I would throw in some aliases as well - also known as Lil Bit, Vladimir Poopshoot, Carni - and if we include the voices in my head, Fattie, Dumbass, Idiot and Superstar (one of my voices is really really confident).

2. Kitty - Floyd's best friend and Nascar compatriot. Kitty is a unique individual and frankly, the only thing missing to make her a guy is the old twig and berries. Don't get me wrong - she's quite pretty but has a fascination with guns, cars and all boy type toys. Kitty joins me on all my exploits.

3. Cowboy Dan - Floyd's other best friend and Nascar compatriot. Cowboy Dan also goes by Manhands in that she is quite tall - good farm stock. She's a horse whisperer - shhhhhh. She trains horses when not assisting in fixing the world's plumbing problems through her other job. Cowboy Dan also joins in all Nascar exploits and attracts men like a fat kid to cake - even though Cowboy Dan will always pick the ugmo in the crowd to spend special time with (Kitty and I don't understand this too much but we usually benefit so no complaining).

4. Fat Baby Clan - this invovles several folks so I'm lumping them together. Fat Baby is a fat baby and one in which we are keenly interested in since Fat Baby's Mamma is our best friend and Cowboy Dan's sister. Fat Baby also has a Fat Baby Daddy, Fat Baby Uncle, Fat Baby Aunt whom I expect all to make regular appearances as well. Fat Baby's Mamma occasionally joins in on the Nascar fun when she can pry Fat Baby's grubby little mitts off her.

5. Princess of Darness - my little sister who is 14 and lives with me. Let's just say she's gothic and I'm worried about the cat....we'll leave it at that.

6. Captain Fruitloop - Cowboy Dan's and FBM's mom. Loved by all and feared by most.

7. Captain Nutty - Floyd and Princess of Darkness' mom. Makes Captain Fruitloop look downright sane.

Now, if tradition serves, there will be several guest appearances along the way as we work our way through this year's Nascar seasonso I expect this cast to grow and multiply. It should all be great fun.

Truly yours,
Vladimir Poopshoot.

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