Today is my birthday. I am 36 years old.
It is 5:06 p.m. eastern time.
I have yet to recieve a birthday call from my mother.
CHRIST ON A CRACKER, WOMAN! YOU CALL ME 900 TIMES A FUCKING DAY BUT THE DAY YOU ACTUALLY SHOT ME OUT OF YOUR WOMB, YOU CAN'T SEEM TO FIND A FUCKING PHONE!
This does not bode well for the old bar tab tonight. Does not bode well, indeed.