Thursday, June 29, 2006

How Enlightening

It seems that Fated Mohammed woke up with a bit of a problem. He had a light bulb up his ass. According to poor old “Mo”, he simply woke up and there it was- illumination of the anal region.

Now, Mo is a prisoner in Pakistan who is serving time for making liquor, which is against the law. Liquor plus surprises in your anus? A coincidence? I think not.

I am curious as to how Mo’s Muslim brethren feel about anal insertions. How does that go? Liquor bad, anal toys right as rain! Does Allah frown on cocktails but smiles upon the anal arts? (And have no doubt, to be able to insert a glass bulb up a butt without it breaking is truly an art)

Mo claims the other prisoners drugged him and inserted the offending luminary without his knowledge whilst he was sleeping. Well, sure. When I’m bored in prison, I like to insert foreign objects into other people’s bums. But no one wants to be cruel about it! Drug the guy so he feels no discomfort. I’m sure they used Vaseline to ensure smooth entry cause I find prisoners to be very sensitive to one another’s needs.

The image of a bunch of Pakistani guys sitting around giggling going “hey, as soon as Fated goes to sleep, let’s take a light bulb and stick it where the sun don’t shine!” absolutely cracks me up.

And really, if you think about it, you must have some really poor muscle tone in your anus if you don’t crush a light bulb. In other words, I believe Mo’s anus had previously lost a lot of its original elasticity or else his rectum would have been more like glass minefield and less like a lamp. Me thinks this is not the first foreign object to meet Mo’s colon.

Instead of the standard light bulb appearing over a character’s head when he has an idea, I picture Mo’s ass lighting up when he has thought. Makes me chuckle every time I think about it.

I also hope he didn’t have a cold during this trauma cause I’m thinking one sneeze and whammo – you’ve got yourself a glass shard problem. And Allah forbid, you get a case of the runs! Or gas for that matter! One serious blow and you could put someone’s eye out!

As public service announcement, please be aware that we here at Floyd’s Tailgate do not support the insertion of glass lighting objects into the anal region generally under any circumstances. We will however make an exception if you are detained in Pakistani prison cause those guys like to paaarrrr-taaaaay.


VI said...


Who DOES that!

kari said...

That story just cracked me up.