Tuesday, March 29, 2005

So Enough About Me...How 'Bout We Talk About Me?

Okay, so in blogworld, everyone has done this "100 Things About Me" sort of project so I thought I would give it a whirl.

I will not be posting 100 outright as I do intend to keep my day job but I'll throw a few out there and then add on as we go along. I also intend to not count the basic facts so rest assured that you're only getting the more obscure issues of my personality.

So without further ado....100 Things About Me That You Probably Didn't Know (Or Don't Want to Know)

1. My fear of clowns is only surpassed by my fear of balloons (this despite the fact that I worked in a balloon store for three years in college for a guy that dressed up as a clown for deliveries).

2. I cry at each and every Extreme Makeover: Home Edition...and not just at the end...I weep through the whole damn thing.

3. I follow the rules. Hate breaking the rules. Never break the rules.

4. I think people who allow hairs to grow out of their facial moles should die a slow and painful death. (Seriously...how do you miss a 4 inch whisker sticking out of your growth?)

5. I like peanut butter AND syrup on my pancakes. Don't knock it 'till you try it.

6. Despite the fact that I am a lawyer, I have little or no opinion on the following items and anything I'm telling you on these subjects, I'm probably pulling it out of my ass and saying them just to piss you off :
a. the Terry Schiavo case
b. O.J. Simpson case

c. prayer in schools
d. buring the flag
e. the lady who won a quadrillion dolllars for spilling McDonald's hot coffee in her lap

7. I used to have a serious addiction to Afrin nosespray....seriously....a serious addiction. Love that stuff.

8. I think the Beatles are overrated....yeah, I said it...sometimes enjoyable but OVERRATED.

9. I drink Bud Light. And no, I will not enjoy your Guatemalen Fruit Bat Beer nor will enjoy something you whipped up in the basement from some micro-brewery kit you mother-in-law gave you for Christmas. It tastes like donkey dung.

10. While I drink Bud Light, I occasionally visit my friends Jim Beam and Jose Cuervo. And if you're lucky, I won't visit them on the same night.

11. My mother, Captain Nutty, used to refer to Oprah (whom she worships with a cult-like reverence) as the "Big O" until I informed her that particular phrase has another meaning.

12. I dress like the bastard love child of JCPenny and Old Navy....with perhaps a little post-coital rubdown by Lane Bryant.

13. I think the only places you should be barefoot are in your own house or at the beach....never in the office....NEVER, EVER IN THE OFFICE.

14. I can recite all of the the lyrics to Beastie Boys' License to Ill album.

15. I know mountains upon mountains of useless trivia and if we are playing trivial pursuit, you want me on your team. (Please note: this in no way is any indication of my intelligence as all this information is completely unnecessary in the real world)

16. I'm good with babies and always a little shocked that my friends find this so shocking.

17. I have the handwriting of a serial killer.

18. I was kinda hit by lightning once so I am now petrified of it (and if you're following along, you know now my worst nightmare would be to be chased by a clown in an electrical storm with my only weapon being a bunch of overinflated balloons).

19. If you listen carefully and pay close attention, I will contradict myself on numerous occassions.

20. Deep, deep down, I am convinced that I will marry Dale Earnhardt, Jr. (or at least, Elliott Sadler).

21. I'm always checking my nostrils to make sure I don't have bats in my cave.

22. There is a distinct possibility that I am the laziest person you know.

23. I used to read a lot of books - then only magazines could keep my attention and now I'm down to catalogs with pretty pictures.

24. I am a Nascar fan and while I realize that you may not be, I do not have the time nor inclination to explain to you "what is so exciting about watching cars go around and around?". Guess what? You're not the first person to say that, it wasn't funny when they said it and it's still not funny coming from you.

25. I let my little sister, the Princess of Darkness, paint her room black and I actually kinda like it.

26. I really thought I would be famous by now....I don't know for what, but definitely thought I would be famous.

27. I cuss like a sailor, drink like a mick and my only words of wisdom are to suck my .....a little shout out to Kid Rock.

28. My favorites sayings are many but two top ones are "Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean someone isn't out to get me" and "Denial ain't just a river in Egypt, baby".

29. I have found myself listening to the easy rock radio station more and more lately and this frightens me on a deep and fundamental level.

30. When I was 8, I attempted to smell the bottom of the pool because my cousin came up out of the water and told me it smelled like strawberries. I almost drown.

31. Just because in your words, I'm "sooooo outgoing" does not mean I want to date your [INSERT - brother, brother-in-law, cousin, husband's old roomate, guy you work with, lawn man, kid's little league coach, guy you pass at the bus station every day who keeps asking you for change] "who is sooooo nice but just a little shy". NEWSFLASH - outgoing people don't like shy people. Shy people are beedy-eyed and creepy. You can't know what's going on in their heads since they don't talk so they're probably thinking about ways to slap a piece of duct tape over my mouth. Set the shy guys up with the ugly girls - they don't mind as much.

Well, on that note, I'll shuffle off to hell where after this little exercise, I'm sure I'm destined. I think I've scared myself a bit. If I haven't chased you off with my own pathology, please share a tidbit or two about yourself in the comments section. The more obscure, the better.


Kitty said...

I feel privileged to know most of this stuff...except sniffing the bottom of the pool, which is hilarious and also explains a lot...

Cowboy Dan said...

My favorite useless fact about floyd has got to be your rule on breaking the rules. I find it much better when kitty explains it to me after 20 budlights and 2 wapahoozies.
I do feel inclined to share a tidbit about my own mother, captain fruitloop. She likes to say "Eat me" as a witty and clever retort....even after we (sisters and I) explained to her the meaning behind said slang term.

Magoozie said...

Although I am only on #31. I have also learned that Floyd does not agree with "Tapered Pants" ..