Wednesday, March 29, 2006

I'm NOT Goofing Around On A Work Day

I am now the proud owner of a laptop. Yep. You know what that means? I can blog while I watch tv! I know you've all been dying to have my up-to-the-minute comments on all shows of any importance.

Course right now, it's the middle of the day and I am NOT watching the Gilmore Girls on ABC Family. I am working.

I'll tell ya what else I'm not doing:

1. I'm NOT pondering the fact that the POD turned 16 yesterday and that her therapist called with concerns over her myspace page.

2. I'm NOT working at the kitchen counter because my office is so messy that I don't want to go back there.

3. I'm NOT pondering sending my new slogan for q-tips to Masters & Johnson - " many orifices, so little time".

4. I'm NOT wondering if the Weight Watchers nazis will actually come to my home to drag my fat ass back to a meeting.

5. I'm NOT contemplating ways to get out of an impending blind date. (And the next person who tells me "You have to put yourself out there!" will get the bitch slap of their lives. If you want out there so bad, you go on a blind date, jackass.)

6. I'm NOT cleaning the house for the termite inspection guy cause he most certainly won't say "Open packages of peeps attract termites like an ice cream truck's jingle attracts you, Fattie".

7. I'm NOT sitting hear listening to the commercial for this afternoon's Oprah which alludes to "the sexual practice you've never heard of!". Well, how the hell does she know? I'm quite worldly. I read. Ummmmm....but is it worse if I have heard of it? Does that make me a whore? DAMN YOU, OPRAH! YOU AND YOUR MIND RAY WILL NOT CONTROL ME! but i will be watching.

8. I'm NOT wondering why the Geico lizard has a cockney accent. Are we more likely to buy car insurance from a British lizard as opposed to an American one?

9. I'm NOT contemplating which Simpsons line is my favorite. I'm NOT thinking about Ralphie saying "She choo choo choooooses me!" or Milhouse saying, "Everything's coming up Milhouse!" or Reverend Lovejoy announcing the hymn, "In the Garden of Eden by I. Ron Butterfly" and then Homer whispering to Marge, "hey, remember when we used to make out to this hymn?" or Lisa saying "Can't talk....coming down" after ingesting water from a ride at Duff Land. NOT thinking about the Simpsons at all.

10. I'm NOT obsessing over the fact that the previous lines excluded all lines by Troy McClure and Lionel Hutz.

No. My laptop is only for working. I am NOT doing any of the above stuff cause that would just be wrong.


kari said...

I thought the lizard was an Aussie?!

astrocoz said...

Just like I'm NOT reading your blog and I'm NOT laughing my ass off hysterically and I'm NOT wondering if my coworkers are questioning my sanity.

Anonymous said...

I'm wondering where the baby is whilst you're goofing around, Goofy.

VI said...

I got all exicted thinking there maybe a good oprah on yesterday.
Not so much.

YOU are such a tease!

Sophmom said...

...and I am NOT laying in bed with my laptop at noon on Saturday, reading blogs and talkin' to friends! Ain't it grand?

We missed you last night, girly. Heard the story though. You're a brave soul, to take on the POD. I gave birth to my teenagers and they still try my soul! Hang in there.

A blind date??? What are you thinking? Who says you need to put yourself out there? Keep us posted. If you change your mind about the date, I'll meet you for beer at the PC. :)