So Captain Nutty has arrived with the Princess of Darkness (POD) in tow (for those newcomers, this means my mother is visiting with my little sister). Captain Nutty has been her usual nutty self and the POD has displayed her usual surliness and general disdain for all things cheerful and nice (it's going to be a great school year for me and POD!)
This all leads me to this little scenario.
The night before a big hearing I come down with a raging case of the old backdoor trots. This of course follows me into the morning and all the way to court where I sit on the bench with butt cheecks firmly clenched praying that I don't have to make a run for it in the middle of my client's testimony. Well, I make it through and chalk all the intestinal discomfort up to stress....until I get home. I arrive home and Captain Nutty laughingly informs me that last night whilst preparing some pasta (okay, it was macaroni and cheese), she added some oil to the noodles to keep them from sticking (like this must be a HUGE problem for Kraft Mac N'Cheese. Who the fuck adds olive oil to pasta from a box with day-glo, powdered cheese?). However, by accident she added the dish washing soap that is in a decorative bottle by the sink THINKING it was olive oil. What fun! What stomach cramping shennanigans!
Now, one could maybe forgive her for such oversight considering the soap WAS in a decorative, unlabeled bottle. BUT it was her idea in the first place that I put such dishwashing soap in a decorative bottle, she even BOUGHT me the bottle and IT WAS NEXT TO THE DAMN SINK, FOR CRYING OUTLOUD!
Well, I managed to not throttle her because any criticism of Captain Nutty merely prefaces a good hour's worth of tears and general dismay on how she has failed me and "why I am so mean to her".
But later I notice as she is sitting out on my back porch that she is sitting on the towel I used to wipe up the dog's pee the night before. And.....I say nothing. Nothing at all.
Does this make me a bad person?
Don't bother answering, I know I'm going to hell.
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5 comments:
Sweet Jesus, that's (tragically) funny.
Didn't the "pasta" taste "soapy?"
Oh my. That is way funny too. Seems that the soap would of been disgusting in the pasta. Not that it can get much more disgusting.
I think Capt Nutty and my mom are distant relatives. The whole "why you are so mean to her" thing is my totally my mom.
well sister, i must agree with cowboy dan! the party will be in hell as for all of my friends will be there as well. no worries
1) funny story 2) don't you put oil on right after draining the pasta, so if you poured something wrong on then, you'd just rinse the pasta? 3) yeah, wouldn't it have tasted like dish detergent 4) does dish detergent cause the runs?? 5) why would one add oil... it's a while since I made Kraft macaroni and cheese, but I thought the next step after draining was to put in a whole load of margarine (then milk, then cheese powder). I think the towel was justified. (I am here via cubbiegirl's comments)
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