Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Oh Bristol, How I Love Thee!

Bristol - we came, we saw, we got knee-walking piss drunk. Someone should throw that on a bumper sticker.

So,fun was had by all. I would like to tell many soul tickling tales of fun from Bristol....but one doesn't know where to start...

Perhaps one should start with passing the "I'm A Lady Discount Lingerie Store"? (As opposed to passing the "I'm A Man Discount Lingerie Store")

Perhaps one should start with all the race fans who acted like this was the first time they've seen a little red wagon? We pulled up with wagon in tow and you would have thought we were hauling a modern scientific miracle. Those Bristol fans just love them some new-fangled technology! Like wheels! And a wagon! With a beer cooler! My god, IT'S GENIUS!

Perhaps I should begin with one young suiter who tried to woo me in his pop-up camper? Sort of a pop-up in a pop-up? Get it? Hahahahahaha

Perhaps I should begin with the frantic search for a little rubber raincoat for one member of our little gang? Sadly, search unsuccessful and therefore subsequent romance unsuccessful. Pity. (And no, Daddy, I'm NOT talking about me)

Perhaps I should begin with the phone call received from the one "most likely to be shot" client who has my cell phone number and called me in mid-drunk? I believe I gave some relevant advice like "Fuck them, those fuckers! They can't fucking do that! They don't know who they're fucking dealing with, Sista!" (Please note: said comment was made to 62 year old, african american special ed lady teacher who I happen to be representing - expecting call from state bar any minute now)

Perhaps I should begin with the fact that one of use ran out of clean underwear so in a show of solidarity we all ditched our drawers? (By the way, the chafing creme works)

Perhaps I should begin with our attempts to find a "shortcut" out of the track where we decided to scurry under a fence and make like mountain goats down the side of a hill so steep that all other race fans stopped to call and heckle our descent?

Perhaps I should begin with my fall on said hill and how I managed to find some thorns on said hill with my said underwearless ass?

Perhaps I should simply not relay ANY of these thinks me already shared too much.

Like I said, fun was had by all.


magoozie said...

not a good story to read as i am talking to my aircraft. The radio beeped and I had live air as i read "the creme works" I'm sure all of the atlanta air traffic wants to know what I was laughing at.. thanks floyd!! I love it

Pixie LaRouge said...

Floyd, dear, you are a crackhead, loony, freak of nature. I so love this blog :)

ROFLMAO at the image of your drunk ass rolling down the hill to the sweet musical soundtrack of thousands of drunk race fans. So glad the creme worked, btw

kitty said...

I think I peed my underwearless self for the second time from vision of Floyd rolling down the hill, again.

Dutch Porn Star said...

I too am glad the creme worked