The POD is readjusting to civilian life. School has started and we are settling back into a routine. She is still the same child that I sent away to camp but there is a subtle improvement. She has matured some over the summer, which is welcome relief. However, she still wants to watch every episode of Hannah Montana on the Disney channel. What can I say? She’s a contradiction in terms.
However, this brings us to my role in her life. I offer the following for you perusal.
A sister feeds you mini-pizza for a nutritious well-balanced dinner.
A mother holds your hair while you puke up said pizza a few hours later.
A sister flees the area upon realizing the toilet is now clogged with vomit and a stench unlike any she has known before.
A mother rolls up her pajama pants and mops the smelliest mess ever produce from the bathroom floor while mentally cussing the plumbing in the shit hole house (ummm…. a mother might not use the phrase “shit hole” but it was warranted in this particular situation).
A sister packs a kid off to bed with a “Gee, I hope you feel better”.
A mother tucks said kid into her own bed and then sleeps on the 2 square inches of the king size bed that the child has not commandeered in the middle of the night.
A sister fetches Krispy Kremes for breakfast as requested by semi-recovered child this morning.
A mother makes dry toast and prays it stays down said kid’s gullet.
My point?
I WANT A FUCKING MOTHER’S DAY CARD, PEOPLE! A MOTHER’S DAY CARD! AND IT NEEDS TO BE HALLMARK! AND OVERSIZED! ONE OF THOSE $5.00 CARDS WITH FLOWERS ON THE FRONT AND MUSHY WORDS INSIDE!
A bunch of flowers wouldn’t kill you either.
I’m just saying.
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5 comments:
I didn't go through Labor either, but I can certainly relate to your pain as you well know!! Hang in there Floyd.
Happy Mother's Day! Early.
Maybe if you bought her a Tori Amos CD she would show some appreciation. Not that I advocate such a radical demeaning action.
Yuck. BTDT. Sorry.
I'm not anonymous- I'm just too lazy to set up blogger account. I came over from Crooked Cervix to tell you that I HAVE gone through labor, but you are indeed a mother in all the ways it counts! Your blog is funny- I like interesting people (duh...who doesn't?! who likes boring people...) Anyways, I'll be back! Kristine
www.perpetuallypregnant.typepad.com
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