Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Stuff THAT In Your Turkey

So maybe I'm a little thankful but perhaps I'm not really thankful for anything and those who think I should be can kiss my cranberry-hating ass.

I'm thankful that I have clients BUT...

I'm not thankful that my last client wanted to know if she could put off her appointment because she had a mystery shopping gig at Hooter's....I kid you not, people. I was beat out by a pair of oversized mammary glands and a chick in panty hose and shorts.

I'm not thankful for the client who just called and asked my legal assistant if I was expecting her to bring in any money for her appointment. Of course not! How silly! I work for free! Keep your money! My mortgage company HATES getting paid on time!

I'm not thankful for the client's psycho wife who called me five times last night on my cell phone. Hey, bitch, I DON'T REPRESENT YOU! And here's a suggestion....when you fax me, you can fax me the whole document, you DO NOT have to fax it one page at at time, you flaming moron!

I am thankful for the POD...BUT.....

I'm not thankful for her little friends who show up in the driveway at 1 am to drop off a porn movie for POD. And yes, it was a "chick flick".

I'm not thankful for her inviting some little friends into the house while I'm not home to do god knows what. I'm fitting her with a chastity belt as we speak.

I am thankful for family....BUT....

Okay, I simply take that one back - not thankful at all. I would like to move to an isolated cabin in Idaho and do my best Unabomber impression.

Happy Thanksgiving to all!

4 comments:

Bottle Rocket Fire Alarm said...

Thanks for the well wishes! Right back atcha!

I'm thankful for 7-11 Firecracker pickled sausages, occasionally peeing from my butt, and mysterious illnesses. All are likely related.

VI said...

a chick in pantyhose and shorts....


that is AWESOME

The Paradise Lesbian said...

Don't despair Floyd, the family thing just gets worse with time,

On second thought wallow in despair and worry like hell!!!

astrocoz said...

Happy Thanksgiving, Floyd! I hope you have a good one!

Hopefully POD grows out of that behavior soon.