Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Welcome to the Captain Nutty Show

So as I mentioned, my Captain is here (again, my mother for you new folks - ha!). As usual, chaos and turmoil has followed her here. Though I cannot scientifically prove a link, one day prior to her arrival the POD fell off a horse and broke the ever loving crap out of her right hand (specifically - the joint connecting her thumb to her wrist). Not one to do things in a half-assed manner, the POD broke it in a T type fashion which will involve big time hand surgery on Thursday.

Oh yeah. I'm having fun. And no, the POD is freakishly not in any pain - AT ALL. She's a little off. Even the doctor was slightly unnerved by her lack of pain.

Anyhoooooo.....this has evolved into my mother insisting that she is staying for the surgery as opposed to playing in the scheduled golf tournament in North Carolina this weekend. Luckily, I calmly (read: hysterically) suggested (read: demanded in petulant manner) that she go on said golf weekend for her own good (read: I threatened to kill her if she stayed). Probably not my finest moment as a daughter but definitely the thing that needed to be done in order to preserve what little sanity the POD and I have left.

In attempt to get in a little mothering while she's here, she has engaged in some sort of 20 Questions game assuming that 20 Questions game was played by people on crack.

In the last hour, I have answered the following:

I see you're working - Should I pack a lunch for POD?

Does she want strawberries or pineapple in her lunch? (Perhaps one should ask the POD!)

Where are your ziploc bags?

Is it cold in here?

Did you here the dryer go off?

Did you know vinegar has a lot of uses around the house? I read that in Real Simple.

Did I tell you that my friends took me out early for my birthday? (yes, at least 8 times but please tell me again!)

Did I tell you Susan's daughter is going to have a baby? (yes, at least 17 times but please tell me again! It doesn't make my ovaries hurt at all that a kid I used to babysit is married and pregnant and I all have to show for it is a dog that pees all over the dining room floor)

Do you want some ice cream?

Did you want some ice cream?

Are you sure you don't want some ice cream?

Do you want some ice cream - I'll make it for you?

Come on - you want some ice cream?

See? Why didn't you say you wanted some ice cream?

Has the POD done her homework?

Has the POD had her shower?

Do you want me to take POD to school tomorrow?

Does the POD love me?

Do you love me?

Do you think your father hates me?

Is the dog allowed to chew that?

Oh. Are you still working? (YES! YES, I AM STILL WORKING...I AM STILL TRYING TO WORK SO THAT I DO NOT LOSE ALL SEMBLANCE OF MONETARY INCOME.)




Yep. I hereby honestly swear or affirm that all above is a true and correct representation of the past 30 minutes of my life.

She's a keeper.

5 comments:

MM said...

:)

Sophmom said...

Well, poop. I'm behind. I'm sorry about POD's injury and hope the surgery went perfectly. Sorry about CN being around but you looked great Friday night. Hope to get a chance to talk soon. Peace darlin'. Hang the heck in there, ya hear?

astrocoz said...

Your mother would drive me Nuckin Futs! Although, at times my mother sounds like she could be related to yours!

I hope POD feels better and that the surgery went well. Nice to see ya posting!

Lola said...

WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!?

Jodi said...

Any good, funny anecdotes lately? I really need some cheering up.

Jodi
The Crooked Cervix