Friday, December 16, 2005

Just a Drive-By Cranky

Some quick crankiness...

- Hey, dumbass client! Leaving me the same message 4 times a day wil not, I repeat NOT, make me respond to you any fucking faster. Matter of fact, it just teases the tiger within and I start to see how long I can actually go without contacting you until you ultimately fire me. I already have your money so at this point I really don't give a crap.

- Here's a thought....when I agree that your kid can come over and play with POD, that means for a short stint. It means I expect her not leave popcorn kernels all over my "on the market" house and not to talk at eardrum shattering decibels. It also means to pick her up at 4 so I can get my happy ass to the bar. It's fucking Friday - come get your kid or I'll let POD turn her bisexual so fast it'll make your rainbow flag spin!

- Hey, dumbass client #2! I can't serve papers on a woman for whom you have no damn address! Simply putting her name on a court complaint and sending it to the state of Mississippi does not work. So the next time she calls to harass you, please ask her what fucking county she lives in cause your ass ain't paying me enough for any private detective services!

- Hey, prospective dumbass client! Don't leave me messages saying your statute of limitations is about to run and you need me to take your case then when I actually returne your call you inform me that your "good for nothing ass of attorney" took two years to file your case. Hey, guess what, you moronic twit! He FILED! That means no statute of limitation issues. Why don't you leave the high level thinking to those of us with opposable thumbs?

- DID I MENTION THAT IT IS COCKTAIL HOUR AND I'M STUCK IN THE HOUSE WITH TWO DAMN TEENAGERS????

- POD got a C- in Art this semester. How exactly does one grade art? What is the difference in a 15 year old's artwork that makes a teacher go "hmmmmm.....certainly no Picasso but a C- seems adequate"? POD's explanation? "I don't draw good".....yeeeaaahhh, you no talk so good either, what was your fucking English grade?

Screw it....time to start drinking at home.

Happy fucking holidays.

4 comments:

GEORGE! said...

Hey you look like girls I'm going to sleep with...

;)

Pixie LaRouge said...

I would sympathize and empathize and be all sweet and shit, but no can do. Mainly because I'm laughing much too hard at the phrase "I'll let POD turn her bisexual so fast it'll make your rainbow flag spin" That's just hilarious

(the word verification says "erpilin" which sounds like somebody developing a frighteningly bad case of hemorrhoids. Just hadta share)

Tink said...

Lmao. I stumbled into this blog courteous of PL up there. I'm glad I did. Although my coworkers want to know what about data processing is so damn funny.

kari said...

Cheers baby! Have one for me too. Great rant by the way!